Confessions of a "Professional Student"

I'm Allison. And after over 5 years of indecision, you can call me a "professional student."

You'd think that by now I'd have it all figured out. You'd think that after 5 years of cramming developing efficient study plans, reading almost every academic article in existence, and writing essays until my knuckles went numb, I could have come to even the most basic conclusion of what I want to do after I graduate. But the more work I do, the more I discover that my "life plan" is far from complete. The question of, "What are you doing after graduation, Allison?" plagues virtually every family function and causes me to want to rip my hair out strand-by-strand. What AM I doing after graduation?

College is the stepping stone into the rest of your life, and if you don’t have it figured out by graduation, all the signs point to a lifetime of mundane tasks and insufficient self worth. Spatulas and greasy hamburgers haunt my dreams. 

And this is something that we’ve been inadvertently told our entire lives. Virtually every adult from the age of four onwards has asked me, “What do you want to be when you grow up, Allison?” At four, my answer would have been, “a Ballerina!” But at the age of eight, I stormed out of my dance class, defeated upon discovering I have two left feet.

 
At the age of twelve, I would have told you that I was going to be a singer; that was until I found out that I would be rejected from the lead part in Oklahoma! for being too “pitchy.” At the age of 15, I was going to be a psychologist, but that was mostly because I was ready to figure out my own inevitable teenage angst. At the age of 17, I was going to be a radio broadcaster, and half-way through my first year of college at 18, I no longer had an answer. 

This turned into a joke for awhile. “What are you majoring in, Allison?” resulted in a light-hearted response of, “it’s a surprise.” I spent the next couple of years of college in this similar sort of "let's-fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants" mentality, but by 21, these responses were no longer funny.

Enter panic mode.

Here I am: 21 years old. In my third year of college. And am still grappling with that age-old question of "what do I want to be when I grow up?" And just as I was four, and eight, and twelve, and fifteen... I hadn't the faintest idea.

So I began a process of trial and error. I tried out a couple classes and student organizations until I found something that did more than just vaguely interest me. I wanted to find something that I was so passionate about that I couldn't sit still while talking about it. And then I found Blueprints.
Blueprints is a metro-scholars program offered on campus that allows students to develop leadership skills. And it did this. But it also gave me the opportunity to hone in on the issues I cared about, the leadership I was hoping to take on, and the skills that I possessed and wished to make better, all while forcing me to believe that the goal after college was not to just "find a job" but to make myself into a leader; someone that could make a real change and difference. 

And this program forced me to do a little bit of reading. I read about issues of social injustice. I read about power dynamics. I read about inequality. And poverty. And opportunity. I became aware of the state of the society we lived in; and I felt it. I couldn't sit still. 

I declared my major and minor shortly thereafter: Communications with a minor in Women and Gender Studies. And with this declaration I found myself growing more and more confident in my decision. My classes, while providing me with the most useful information related to my future endeavors, also provided me with the ability to come to information, events, and places with a critical eye. My professors have taught me to question everything, and to never stop asking questions. They have taught me that my will to learn shouldn't stop once I've turned over my tassel. 

I still don't know where I'm going. The question has changed from, "What are you going to be when you grow up" to "What are you going to do post-graduation." I still can't answer these questions specifically. But I'm a bit calmer now. I thankfully have a pocket full of perspectives and skills that I am so lucky to have received. And while I don't know what lies ahead in the next year, I now know which road to take. And frankly, that's all I need to know. That's what makes this whole thing exciting.


Allison Wilke is a CASL Senior majoring in Communications and minoring in Women and Gender Studies. She is an Avid cat lover, human rights activist, and writer. You can check out some of her other random musings at adailyepiphany.wordpress.com